All That is Known of Daden Crock
Who is He?
Daden Crock is a popular eBoy, Firechief55, who uploads about once a century and has a following so rapidly growing it would be impossible to type a number without that being immediately outdated. His fanbase extends out far beyond our world, in fact, the sheer size of Daden Crock's followers on YouTube and Twitch has been "an important step in understanding that extraterrestrial life exists in our universe," says Thomas Jacob Black, an important scientist at the US government's Space Force.
What Makes Him so Special?
It's no secret that there is something different about the way Daden Cork makes his videos. That little something that keeps you coming back for just a little bit more. The way Daden plays his tune to perfection in every single detail down to the nail is mind boggling. Other content creators have attempted to replicate his secret formula, but they haven't even came close to resembling one of Daden's videos. The closest any of these copy cats have gotten close to success is DanTDM with a little over 4 million subscribers ( as of December 2021 ).
What we do Know
Daden Crock is 15-16 years old and a 5' 2" sigma male. From vlogs from his YouTube channel it seems he lives in a mega-mansion he deems "The Crock Manor". The Crock Manor is surrounded by 10 miles of inhabitable desert he claims he carved himself "after I ate a menu's worth of Taco Bell". This is believed to be true, as the "Haborger Incident" confirms some of the vast supernatural abilities Daden claims he has. If everything Daden says is true, Daden is far more powerful then anything imaginable, even from legends. He is currently at stage 2 out of 5, stage 1 being "pipsqueak Daden", being completely normal, and stage 5 Daden, which Daden can calculate the entire lifespan of alternate realities branching from our own and all of it's possible branches, all this happening multiple times within a nanosecond ( he admits all of this during a hang over ). Whether his intentions are in our best interest is unknown.
Theories and Speculation
On February 29th, 2016, an interviewer was transported in an armored vehicle through the wastelands and to The Crock Manor. The trip took over 5 days as they had to constantly take cover from surveying swarms of high-tech combat drones guarding The Crock Manor 24/7. When the interviewer finally made it to the Crock Manor, he stepped out of the vehicle and began walking to the mega-mansion. In response, Daden shot about 25 ballistic missiles at the interviewer. The interviewer dodged all of these easily and then quickly began interviewing Daden, who was now sitting on his front porch. It began with normal questions, like "what is your favorite food?" and "what is your favorite color?", of course, Daden answered "red" to all of the questions. But then the interview took a dark turn when the interviewer asked "What is your favorite flavor of Coke?" the live video feed cut off almost immediately. ( It should be noted that it was well-known Daden Crock had semi-trucks full of Pepsi delivered to his house every day ).
3 weeks later, fragments of a human skull were discovered near Italy. When scientists took the fragments into a lab for DNA analysis, results confirmed that they indeed belonged to the interviewer. About a week later, the interviewer's ribs were spotted floating in the South Pacific Ocean. It was theorized Daden Crock let out MEGA-SHART, as there were abnormally powerful wind currents in the Middle-East US and severe vibrations all across America. If there was a sound it was too loud to be heard.
How to Survive an encounter with Daden Crock
An encounter with a person with that much power can be extremely dangerous or even fatal. BUT HERE ARE 10 TIPS AND TRICKS THAT WILL SAVE YOUR LIFE. NUMbAh One: Daden Crock is hugely brand loyal, to the point where something about Pepsi will set him on rant about Pepsi. Afterwards, he will become like a tamed Minecraft dog, being able to teleport to your location when you inevitably outrun him.( Daden is very slow and at a full sprint he can go up to 0.2 mph )
written by Laleb Cyons