Should We Ban DHMO?

About DHMO

Dihydrogen Monoxide ( DHMO ) is a colorless and odorless chemical compound, also referred to by some as Dihydrogen Oxide, Hydrogen Hydroxide, Hydronium Hydroxide, or simply Hydric acid. Its basis is the highly reactive hydroxyl radical, a species shown to mutate DNA, denature proteins, disrupt cell membranes, and chemically alter critical neurotransmitters. The atomic components of DHMO are found in some caustic, explosive, and poisonous compounds such as Sulfuric Acid, Nitroglycerine, and Ethyl Alcohol.

Should I be concerned about Dihydrogen Monoxide?

Yes, you should be concerned about DHMO! Although the U.S. Government and the Centers for Disease Control ( CDC ) do not classify Dihydrogen Monoxide as a toxic or carcinogenic substance ( as it does with better-known chemicals such as hydrochloric acid and benzene ), DHMO is a constituent of many known toxic substances, diseases and disease-causing agents, environmental hazards. It can even be lethal to humans in quantities as small as a thimbleful.

Research conducted by award-winning U.S. scientist Nathan Zohner concluded that roughly 86 percent of the population supports a ban on dihydrogen monoxide. Although his results are preliminary, Zohner believes people need to pay closer attention to the information presented to them regarding Dihydrogen Monoxide. He adds that if more people knew the truth about DHMO, studies like the one he conducted would not be necessary.

A similar study conducted by U.S. researchers Patrick K. McCluskey and Matthew Kulick also found that nearly 90 percent of the citizens participating in their study were willing to sign a petition to support an outright ban on the use of Dihydrogen Monoxide in the United States.

Why haven't I heard about Dihydrogen Monoxide before?

Good question. Historically, the dangers of DHMO, for the most part, have been considered minor and manageable. While the more significant risks of Dihydrogen Monoxide are currently addressed by many agencies, including FDA, FEMA, and CDC, public awareness of the natural and daily dangers of Dihydrogen Monoxide is lower than some think it should be.

Critics of government often cite that many politicians and others in public office do not consider Didragon Monoxide a "politically beneficial" cause to get behind, so the public suffers from a lack of reliable information on just what DHMO is and why it should be concerned.

Part of the blame lies with the public and society at large. Many do not take the time to understand Dihydrogen Monoxide and what it means to their lives and the lives of their families.

Unfortunately, the dangers of DHMO have increased as the world population has increased, the fact that the raw numbers and careful research both bear out. Now more than ever, it is crucial to be aware of the dangers of Dihydrogen Monoxide and how we can all reduce the risks we face, and our families face.

What are some of the dangers associated with DHMO?

Each year, Dihydrogen Monoxide is a known causative component in many thousands of deaths and is a significant contributor to millions upon millions of dollars in damage to property and the environment. Some of the known perils of Dihydrogen Monoxide are:

Death due to accidental inhalation of DHMO, even in small quantities.
Prolonged exposure to solid DHMO causes severe tissue damage.
Excessive ingestion produces several unpleasant though not typically life-threatening side effects.
DHMO is a major component of acid rain.
Gaseous DHMO can cause severe burns.
Contributes to soil erosion.
Leads to corrosion and oxidation of many metals.
Contamination of electrical systems often causes short-circuits.
Exposure decreases the effectiveness of automobile brakes.
Found in biopsies of pre-cancerous tumors and lesions.
Given to vicious dogs involved in recent deadly attacks.
Often associated with killer cyclones in the U.S. Midwest and elsewhere, and in hurricanes including deadly storms in Florida, New Orleans, and other areas of the southeastern U.S.
Thermal variations in DHMO are a suspected contributor to the El Nino weather effect.

What are some uses of Dihydrogen Monoxide?

Despite the known dangers of DHMO, it continues to be used daily by industry, government, and even in private homes across the U.S. and worldwide. Some of the well-known uses of Dihydrogen Monoxide are:

as an industrial solvent and coolant in nuclear power plants
by the U.S. Navy in the propulsion systems of some older vessels
by elite athletes to improve performance
in the production of Styrofoam
in biological and chemical weapons manufacture
in the development of genetically engineered crops and animals
as a spray-on fire suppressant and retardant
in so-called "family planning" or "reproductive health" clinics
as a significant ingredient in many home-brewed bombs
as a byproduct of hydrocarbon combustion in furnaces and air conditioning compressor operation
in cult rituals
by the Church of Scientology on their members and their members' families
by both the KKK and the NAACP during rallies and marches,
by members of Congress who are under investigation for financial corruption and inappropriate IM behavior
by kids who play Beyblades
by the clientele at several bathhouses in New York City and San Francisco
historically, in Hitler's death camps in Nazi Germany and in prisons in Turkey, Serbia, Croatia, Libya, Iraq, and Iran, in World War II prison camps in Japan, and prisons in China, for various forms of torture
during many recent religious and ethnic wars in the Middle East
by many terrorist organizations, including al Qaeda
in community swimming pools to maintain chemical balance
in daycare centers, purportedly for sanitary purposes
by software engineers, including those producing DICOM software and other DICOM software tools
by famous computer science professors
by aspiring young adult fiction writers and mental health advocates
by international travel bloggers
by the semi-divine King Bhumibol of Thailand and his many devoted young working girls in Bangkok
by the British Chiropractic Association and the purveyors of the bogus treatments that the BCA promotes
by commodities giant Trafigura in their well-publicized and widely-known toxic-waste dumping activities in Ivory Coast
in animal research laboratories
In pesticide production and distribution

What you may find surprising are some of the products and places where DHMO is used, but which, for one reason or another, are generally not made part of public presentations on the dangers to the lives of our family members and friends. Among these startling uses are: as an additive to food products, including jarred baby food and baby formula, and even in many soups, carbonated beverages, and supposedly "all-natural" fruit juices.

in cough medicines and other liquid pharmaceuticals
in spray-on oven cleaners
in shampoos, shaving creams, deodorants, and numerous other bathroom products
in bathtub bubble products marketed to children
as a preservative in grocery store fresh produce sections
in the production of beer by all the major beer distributors
in the coffee available at significant coffee houses in the US and abroad
in Formula One race cars, although the Formula One Racing Commission regulates its use
as a target of ongoing NASA planetary and stellar research.

One of the most surprising facts recently revealed about Dihydrogen Monoxide contamination is in its use as a food and produce "decontaminant." Studies have shown that even after careful washing, food and produce that DHMO has contaminated remains tainted by DHMO.

What are the symptoms of accidental Dihydrogen Monoxide overdose?

You may not always recognize that you have been a victim of accidental DHMO overdose, so here are some signs and symptoms to look for. If you suspect Dihydrogen Monoxide overdose, or if you exhibit any of these symptoms, you should consult with your physician or medical practitioner. The data presented here is provided for informational purposes only and should not be construed as medical advice of any sort. Watch for these symptoms:

Excessive sweating
Excessive urination
Bloated feeling
Nausea
Vomiting
Electrolyte imbalance
Hyponatremia ( serum hypotonicity )
Dangerously imbalanced levels of ECF and ICF in the blood
Degeneration of sodium homeostasis

Diarrhea

A recently noted medical phenomenon involves small amounts of DHMO leaking or oozing from the corners of the eyes as a direct result of causes such as foreign particulate irritation, allergic reactions including anaphylactic shock, and sometimes severe chemical depression.

What can I do to minimize the risks?

Fortunately, there is much you can do to minimize your dangers due to Dihydrogen Monoxide exposure. First, use common sense. When dealing with any product or food that you feel may be contaminated with DHMO, evaluate the relative danger to you and your family, and act accordingly. In many instances, low levels of Dihydrogen Monoxide contamination are not dangerous, and in fact, are virtually unavoidable. Remember, the responsibility for your safety and the safety of your family lies with you.

Second, exercise caution when there is the potential for accidental inhalation or ingestion of DHMO. If you feel uncomfortable, remove yourself from a dangerous situation. Better safe than sorry.

Third, DON'T PANIC. Although the dangers of Dihydrogen Monoxide are genuine, by exercising caution and common sense, you can rest assured knowing that you are doing everything possible to keep yourself and your family safe.

How can I find out more about Dihydrogen Monoxide?

We would be happy to tell you more about DHMO! Send us an email, and we'll gladly attempt to keep you up-to-date on current developments in the study of Dihydrogen Monoxide, its uses, and misuses.

Many sites on the world wide web contain more information on DHMO and related topics. You should note that we do not endorse these sites or control their content or political bias.

Disclaimer!!! DHMO is a substance also known as H2O or water for the average person. This article is a satirical piece for entertainment ONLY and shall NOT be taken seriously.

written by Daden Crock

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